What does MamaBake mean to you?

From the MamaFesto itself...

"I am going to value and take pride in myself as a Mother performing the invaluable task in raising the next generation as well as nurturing my own creative, physical and mental needs with the same priority as I give those of my children.

To do that I am going to learn to ask for help when I need it and reciprocate when other Mothers around me need it."

So what does it mean to YOU?

I guess I should probably answer the question since I've posed it. This question came to me today as I was talking to another MamaSista on the phone - MamaBake means more than 'just' cooking, it means embracing our role as mother's and saying we are more than 'just' mother's - in the way that we are sometimes portrayed by portions of society.

I know many times myself I have questioned my own value - prior to becoming a Stay At Home Parent all I had done from the age of 15 was work full time - now when I say full time I'm not talking your run of the mill 38-40hour week, by the time I finished during my pregnancy with my twins some 11 years after starting working I was clocking in closer to 60hrs a week - craziness in retrospect the time I 'lost' by working so many hours, but at the time I thought I was defined by my job - and if I didn't have that I didn't have an identity.

Many first time SAHP struggle with this loss of identity - going from a place of employment, where you interacted on a regular basis with other adults, where your worth was measured in KPI's and statistics, where you often craved the positive re-enforcement that came from compliments that so often stems from childhood - to a place where you are suddenly (it seems) relegated to (in my case) 'the twin's mum', where you're not even worthy of a name it seems, you feel lost, you feel alone, you feel isolated and you ultimately feel as though you have lost your identity.

Everything you do seems to be 'for the kids' - you will put off going out yourself because 'oh I can't do that, X needs me' (even when they don't), or you won't get yourself a new pair of pants DESPITE the fact your old ones are sliding down around your knees because 'I can't do that, X needs something' when the reality is that X could do without that object for a week or so whereas public nudity is not such a good look - I say this as I've been guilty of doing it, as has my mother before and her's before her - we are told it's the 'way it is' when you are a mother - but why does it have to be this way?

Your whole world can start revolving around them and their needs - not a good thing at all. You need balance in your life - sure it's great to be there for your children but at the end of the day - if you're not breathing, how can you breath for anyone else? Basically if you don't look after you - you are useless to anyone else, including your children.

This is where my MamaSista's step in - you are my network, my safety net, my oxygen line if you want to continue the same line of thinking - my outlet, my space away from children, my adult contact that I have craved for the last 5 years.

Take 20 minutes a day to focus on you, take a space in your home and claim it - no one else is to go into that space - that is YOUR domain, and it is to be used ONLY for your pleasure, not for anything that will benefit anyone else (and I may have tried to tell my counsellor at the time my 'space' was the kitchen cause I liked cooking but as she pointed out others benefited from that - obviously the woman hasn't tasted my cooking - so I wasn't allowed to use that space as 'mine') - and don't be afraid to ask for help - I've done the proud and stubborn thing, it's not pretty.

I have now learnt that the priority scale runs:

1. ME
2. Husband/Partner
3. Children

If I'm not looking after ME - then I cannot nuture the relationship I have with my husband/partner and therefore I cannot be the best parent I want to be due to those stressors - not necessarily the 'correct' order we are 'taught' it should be but when you think about it it makes sense.

We don't have to be 'strong' for our children, they learn and grow far more emotionally when we show them our vulnerable side - as long as you explain to them that it is not something they have done they actually understand far more than we often give them credit for - I know for everything I have been through mentally in the entire life of my children they have the ability to convey and display more empathy and love than many adults I have encountered - there is something to be said for being emotionally honest with children.

Step outside, stare at the sky above, breath in deeply and tell yourself just how awesome you really are - you deserve it.