You can see the first part here.
Ok I've now slept on this and woken this morning (at 5am - seriously is that even a civilised time to be awake? I know it's normal around here but goodness me it's still dark at that time) to be confronted by a few emails/messages from people that yesterday's blog touched a nerve and made them stop and think.
It was never my intention to make anyone cry - ever. It was simply a reflection of my own self.
As I sit and type this I am wearing a maternity bra - why? Well, I'm not pregnant, not breastfeeding (haven't done that in the better part of 10mths after we discovered I do really make skim milk) - I simply have not bothered to get a 'proper' bra fitted. I honestly do not know if I would even feel comfortable in an underwire anymore. My reasons? Same ones I gave yesterday - the children need something, I don't have the time...blah blah blah.
Last week I was walking in Woolworths with Miss 3 - we had to stop in the cold section. Now I wasn't having a hot flush (though that does happen - peri-menopause is a bitch, seriously I'm thirty freaking one people) - alas it was nothing as 'glamorous' or easy to explain as that. No, I was standing there - because my underwear elastic had decided that was the exact moment to give way - and head south towards my knees. Not pretty at all - must have been hilarious to everyone else though watching the crazy woman hold onto her bolter of a child with one hand and try to discreetly (which frankly, you cannot do this discreetly) retrieve her underwear from said kneecaps. Thankfully I was wearing a long dress so it wasn't the whole hands-down-pants fishing style - but you get the idea nonetheless.
I wear one pair of shoes until they die - now when I say shoes I mean thongs. Even in winter, when it is in the minus I wear thongs. I will occassionally break out a pair of enclosed shoes otherwise they are thongs/sandals until they break, then I curse that I don't have any other shoes - irony much?
I went nearly 2 years between haircuts - do not do this. It's not so nice to get the stern talking to from the hairdresser. I was shocked when I realised how long it had been.
All of these things I'm sharing aren't to say 'ner ner I'm 'worse' than you so feel bad for me' - it's more a liberation for me to admit it and say to myself 'look, you've done this in the past, we know how this turns out, let's not make these mistakes again shall we?' To acknowledge the past transgressions and ensure I make a conscious decision to NOT allow this to happen again. I hear from people how I seem to 'have it all together' - I guess by exposing myself (pardon the pun) in this manner it shows that I don't 'have it all together' at all and am just normal - well as normal as one can be I guess.
Plus let's be brutually honest - for those that know me the mental image of me trying to hoist the underwear up under a dress is quite hilarious so think of this as my penance if I made you cry.
And if you know me - underwear would be appreciated for Easter - for the staff of my local Woolworths if no other reason.
edited to add a random thought....Tonight I went to K-Mart, to do the Easter Shopping thing (since the big ones are now 5 they really get the whole concept so can't exactly do it when they are around) - and what did I find for me? Slipper thongs - not the g-string kind (there's not enough dental floss in the world for that) - no, for my feet - it's hilarious...I now have inside AND outside thongs - who would have thought it? Oh and I got a new bra too, with underwire - oh la la - aren't you just delighted I shared that?
2 comments:
OMG mental picture is hilarious Sam! I will endeavour to find you some knickers with elastic before you go shopping again lol
I have had to force myself in the past couple of years to start doing things for myself. Until I was pregnant with Logan (going through the hell I did with him) I did the "Im going shopping for myself" thing, but always came home with more stuff (yes STUFF) for the kids cos they always NEEDED it more than I needed new underwear/shoes/clothes/haircut. After a stern talking-to from my darling husband, I began getting my hair done every few months (read every 4-5 months). I was still doing it cheaply by going to someone who was working from home and not charging as much as a salon, but I know she does a good job so will continue to go to her.
After Logan's arrival, and first nearly 12 months of in and out of hospital, once his health settled down and our household settled down, we decided to start getting a babysitter on a friday night, so I could enjoy myself one night a week (read, so I could sit at the pub listening to drunks all night and drive hubby home safely lol, in saying that though it gives me time out, no children, adult company and yes I do have some friends down there and enjoy their company) which really has gained me back my sanity.
This year I have decided to start doing things for myself, now my youngest (and last) child is turning 2 in a couple of weeks, he will start pre-school 2 days a week. This is simply for my sanity to start with, I have been judged, and you know what? I really dont care what people think anymore. No matter what you do you get judged, so I decided to just do my thing, if you dont like it, tough titties! Its MY life not YOURS so back the hell off! So first thing I have done is bought myself a motorbike, completely child-free selfish entertainment for ME! Secondly, I am getting my bike license (in just over 1 week!), then, in a few months I will be getting my HR License allowing me to drive a small truck. Which in turn will help me find work when I am ready.
My children are clean, fed and healthy, they have everything they could possibly need, and they get valuable time with both parents, and extended family, as well as a good education. Seriously, if i want to buy a new bra, or a pair of leather pants, who is anyone else to tell me I cant!
Start doing YOU things again, gain some of YOUR life back, cos soon enough, all your kiddies will be in school, and you dont want to be the weird old lady running around the streets with a cat on her head and a see-through nighty on with no underwear cos thats all you have lol
Hun - I'm being judged for contemplating putting Mr Just Turned 1 into care one day a week - my response to that? Ok I'll keep this as polite as I can since we're in the public domain - frankly I have to - I need time alone, I have not had time 'alone' in 5 years, my husband works long hours and we are sans family support - purely and simply daycare is my substitute 'grandparent' - there is no difference in my eyes between them being in care and spending the night at a Grandparent's house - whatever spin you choose to put on it they are in someone else's care at that moment in time.
I feel no guilt, no remorse, no shame, I need time to go to the toilet alone, shower alone, not be thinking about someone other than me for 5 minutes in the day - it's either that or those judging will be bringing my children to see me in a mental home.
Makes sense when you look at it that way doesn't it?
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