Normal is NOT overrated

I used to say being normal was 'highly overrated'.

I've touched on this in the past that part of my attraction to MamaBake stems from my battle to survive depression - specifically BPD II.

I have survived AND x 2, I have survived PND x 2, I am on a lifelong dosage of SSRI - and I am proud (can you even say that??) that I have come so far on my journey and if me being honest and open helps one person 'see the light' and be honest with themselves it will have been worth sharing my life with the world.

As I sit here, tears welling in my eyes, I realise I have made it, I am 'normal' - whatever that may be.

In 9hrs 45mins I will be in a meeting to discuss funding for our local community in terms of allocation of funding for Mental Health/DV/Substance Abuse - which seems apt given what I have found today.

Today marks 6mths since my last DASS (for those that don't know what that is - it's a 42 part questionnaire for the last 7 days, the responses cover Depression/Stress and Anxiety - answers are for the last 7 days) - and today, I did it, I am 'normal'.

My AD's remain a maintenance dose of 100mg a day, my GP is aware I am not in any formalised form of counselling (kinda reached the point of not covering new ground), but is more than aware (as displayed by me going to Emergency and demanding the Crisis Assessment Team for pain relief that is fine with Zoloft) that I can see when I am going down a not-so-pretty path and act - there is no plan to mess with the current dosage as it's working (praise be to whatever you believe in for that).

Now sure on a physical level I'm a bit messy atm - but that's more to do with my complete inability to store iron and potentially going through early menopause than a psychological stand point - mentally I have never felt more sure of myself.

I can't find my old DASS scores - but I remember: when I started counselling back in 2009 I was in the Severe Category (my counsellor noted she hadn't seen scores so far off the charts in many years) to my last one 6mths ago I had gone from 'holy hell woman you need a straight jacket' (aka Severe - ironically enough that was after my trip to Adelaide - coincidence much? Extremely traumatic experience which led to the biggest breakthrough I have had - I had that 'wow the weight is lifted I can breath' moment) to 'Normal'.

Current Scores (for prosperity):

Depression - 7 (normal 0-9)

Anxiety - 2 (normal 0-7)

Stress - 5 (normal 0-14)

I remember I was thrilled in September with my test results - this is just amazing.

Just saying the word makes me feel better - normal - that happy place we strive to be in when the walls are closing in and the tunnel is so long you cannot see the light at the end. I know there will still be days that are bumpy, but everyone goes through that - as a wise friend put it, it's about finding the rhythm.

I have found the light, I fought tooth and nail, I dragged myself through the mud, somehow trod water when I didn't think I had the strength to go on - and for that I need to thank my friends - my beautiful wonderful amazing don't sugar coat the truth friends - without you I would be lost in a forest of self pity and loathing - thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for me - I love you more than you will ever know and can ever say.

MamaBake is part of my ongoing therapy and treatment - reclaim your village, build a support network, we don't have to go through this alone.